Wednesday, September 18, 2013

15.9.12

Today I had a rift with my brother over his Aussie Fund.  I was agitated by him when he doubted me. Well, I withdrew my citibank AUD fund last week and today he asked me if I made a mistake and withdrew his as well.  I thought it is so silly of him.  So I got mean and talked to him sarcastically.  We communicated through whatsapp.  Then, JL said I need not be so sarcastic to him even if he is ignorant.  Instead, I should assist him as siblings are supposed to support each other.Only then, I realized I did it again.  I lost control and became nasty.

I have this temperamental problem.  I get agitated easily and get mean.  Everyone piss me off and in return I piss them off too.  I did that to everyone including my family.  I think I am sick.  Anyway, just now, I apologized to my brother and related my problem to him in hope for his forgiveness. He accepted my apologies and even suggested that I take evening primrose and exercise more for hormonal balance.  I appreciated his concern.  How can I be mean and say nasty things to my love ones, haiz.

Realizing that my family has tolerated me for so long and I can sense some fear they have when dealing with me.  I am so sorry to them.  I have hurt them with nasty words and I gave them unwarranted stress.  They have not given up on me and yet they still love me for who I am. I must always remember to be nice. Maybe the next time I lost control, I just scold in front of the mirror and see the ugly side of me. I must show kindness and tolerance too. Yes, I can change.

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